🌺💚To blush...

🌺💚To blush... 

Happened to me again after I don't know how long.

She surprised me.

It was like waking up suddenly.

I've always hated when this happened to me as a child or teenager: 

someone punctually underlined my insecurity making me feel like a perfect idiot, 

more than I already felt myself.

Growing up, 

between one pain and another, 

I designed and built the pieces of my armor.

I had to hide my heart, 

not show myself fragile, 

prevent others from hitting me where it hurt the most.

And I succeeded...

It's a disturbing aspect of my character.

I die inside. 

Outside, 

nobody understands anything.

And as incomprehensible as it is, 

I feel safe, 

safe....

My eyes rub, 

I know, 

that's why I always wear sunglasses.

What I think you see everything.

I have no filters between words and thoughts overlook the world from the only place I can't keep to myself.

What I hear, 

however, 

is only I see.

And maybe, 

one day, 

even those who aren't afraid of my silences will see it.

The tenderness…

It disarms me.

I never expect it.

When this happens to me, 

my heart doesn't listen to me.

It was sweet blushing in an instant.

I realized my armor isn't as strong as I thought. 

And I'm happy about it.

I've been wearing it only when I have to for a long time and it's becoming unbearable.

But I'm not ready to take it off completely,

I'm terrified that I can't survive anymore in case of pain.

I will be eternally grateful to that unexpected gesture and to whoever dedicated it to me.

For the first time I didn't feel stupid... 

I felt alive.

Like now,

that I write and cry

and I don't know why... 

💚💖💗💕💓💘💞💝