一位228劊子手的懺悔錄 ◎ 劉士官
當你看到這封信時，為父該已離你而去，盼你堅強，忍住心中衷慟之情，畢竟每個人，總需面對死亡的來臨，更何況對為父而言，這是一個解脫，幾十年來，埋在我心中的痛，時時刻刻在我腦海中浮現，日日夜夜、分分秒秒無人可訴，無人可了解，那種滋味，不是你可體會的。
從小至今，你總是不斷抱怨，每次和台灣省籍小朋友發生爭執，為父總是不分青紅皂白給你一巴掌，而後彎腰躬身歉聲連連，完全不問孰是孰非，甚至你長大成人娶了親，每次你夫妻之間有任何爭執，為父總是護著媳婦要你道歉。
兒，為此為父在此，向你說聲對不起，委屈你了，為父今生所造之孽，卻需由你來承擔這不幸的後果，也許你不知道，為父縱然死上千次、萬次，亦無法贖我罪惡於萬分之一，為父雙手沾滿血腥，多少家庭毀在為父手上，多少無辜台灣人民寶貴之生命結束在為父手上？你可知幾十年來，我無法忘記那一個個純樸的台灣人民臉上惶恐的表情，被莫名其妙的押上刑場，我忘不了他們喊冤求饒的吶喊聲，忘不了他們面臨死亡那驚慌的面孔，更不能忘記他們死後瞪著兩眼，依舊死不瞑目的表情，幾十年來，就是這一切陪伴著我、煎熬著我，這些台灣人他們有罪嗎？沒有，他們做錯了什麼嗎？沒有，但不幸的，他們卻都成了槍下亡魂，原因無他只因他們不幸是台灣人，只因他們沒有槍，眼看著他們被一條長繩綁成一串，連滾帶爬的被押進刑場，再看著他們如貨物般被丟上卡車，載往何處，我真的不知道，有一夜，在如今淡水河邊，那八位文質彬彬看似受過良好教育的中年人，雙手手掌被以鐵絲貫穿，全身傷痕累累，步履蹣跚，氣若遊絲，我不知道他們究竟又犯了什麼滔天大罪，須受如此之折磨，那一夜，就在河邊，他們也走完了他們的一生。
兒，別以為我願意，別以為我忍心扣下那板機，為父實在身不由己，我只是一個士官，上頭的命令，能不從？好幾次為父甚至想一槍結束自己的生命，但我不否認，我沒有勇氣，我是懦夫，這一輩子我就是個殺人兇手。幾十年來，這一切一切，我忘不了，幾十年來，這些秘密，一直在我心中，我不知該怎去贖罪。所以如今，你該可以了解，小時候，為了什麼我買糖給台灣省籍小朋友，卻不給咱村裡的小朋友，為什麼你要受那麼多委屈？一切一切的為什麼，如今，都該解開你心中的疑惑了吧！如今我總算解脫了，所以，別傷心，你該為我高興，因為我不再日夜受煎熬。真的，你無法了解我心中的苦，一個雙手沾滿血腥的人，死在我手中的卻又是一些無辜的善良百姓，你說，我如何能心安？兒，你受了委屈，是我對不起你，但，想想我打你耳光，痛過了，也就沒了，但，別人呢？失去了生命，家庭毀了，卻一輩子再也回不來了，所以，我才會這麼做，請你原諒我！我是一個劊子手，我一生充滿罪惡，我雙手沾滿血腥，我萬死不足贖我罪孽！
眼看著你出生、成長，亦官拜上校，咱劉家總算可告慰列祖列宗，但，希望你記住一件事，幾十年來，咱們腳踏著台灣土地、吃台灣米、喝台灣水，對台灣，你更該比我更有一份愛，畢竟你在此成長，所以，希望你愛台灣，雖你身為軍人，但你必須放棄大中國的迷思，因為你不屬於它，你屬於台灣，你終身必須為台灣而活，為台灣而戰，為台灣而死！懂嗎？若你不能接受我的話，那你就是不忠、不孝、不義，我沒你這兒子。
相信為父，死對我是一種解脫，我很想到地下去向那些枉死我手中的人道歉，我相信以他們善良的心，該能原諒我，所以，你別傷心，也別難過，唯一能做的就是，愛台灣、保護台灣人民，別再讓你的同胞，再受外來的欺侮，縱然失去你的性命，亦在所不惜，因為你是台灣人，你的一切都是這塊土地所給你的，懂嗎？代我贖些罪孽！2004-02-19
參考連結：
http://www.examiner.com/article/a-republic-of-china-executioner-s-letter-of-confession-from-taiwan-s-political-purgatory
A Republic of China executioner's letter of confession from Taiwan's "political purgatory"
The Taiwanese uprising against the Chinese that triggered the following war crimes by ROC troops (Wiki Commons photo)
Unknown Taiwanese victim of ROC war crimes Wiki Commons photo
Dear son,
When you read this letter, I'm already gone. Don't feel sad for me because this is a relief for me from my decades of pain in my heart. I could not talk to anyone, and you could not understand anyway. Since you were a little boy, I'd always smack you whenever you had trouble with the Taiwanese kids and then apologized to you later on. After you got married to a Taiwanese girl and had arguments between the two of you, I always wanted you to say sorry first. Son, for all of this I say sorry to you.
The sins I committed in my life I wanted you to bear the punishment for me. You would never know that even I could die thousands of times I would still not be able to redeem one-ten-thousandth of my crime.
My hands were covered with blood.
Hundreds of families were destroyed by my two hands. Hundreds of those innocent, precious Taiwanese lives were ended in my hands.
For decades, I could not rid myself of the images of the horror and anxiety on the face of those simple Taiwanese kids facing the moment of imminent death. Even harder for me was the image of those eyes refusing to close afterwards. These images have accompanied me for decades.
Were they guilty of anything? No. Did they ever do anything seriously wrong? No. They were all felled by the bullets simply because they were Taiwanese without guns unfortunately.
Strung together by a long string they were dragged and pulled, some stumbling and crawling, to the shooting site. Then they were thrown into the truck like cargoes going where then I did not know.
One night, on the riverside near Taipei, eight well educated-looking young men, strung together with barbed wire through their palms, with their severely beaten-up bodies and difficulty in breathing, stumbled into the shooting site. I do not know what serious crimes they committed to deserve this treatment. That night they travelled the last part of their journey near the river. Son, don't think for a moment I wanted to pull the trigger.
I was only a corporal carrying out the order from above. I thought of ending my own life from time to time, but I have to admit I was a coward. I have been a murderer in this life.
For decades, I did not know how to redeem myself. Now you should know why I treated you the way I did, why I gave candies to the Taiwanese kids, but not to the kids in our compound. Now I am relieved. Be happy for me, because I will no longer be tormented by these memories. Truly, you could not understand how I suffered through all these years. My hands were covered with the blood of these innocent citizens, how could I have rested in peace?
Son, I'm sorry the way I treated you when you were little. The pain from a smack was soon over, but when a life was taken away and a family was destroyed, the pain was not healable. Please forgive me.
I was an executioner. My life was full of guilt. My hands were full of blood. My sins were not redeemable.
I'm proud of you attaining the rank of a major and so will your ancestors in the Liu family. But remember one thing--for decades we have stood on this land called Taiwan, eaten its rice and drunk its water, it deserves your love much more than from me since you were born here. In spite of the fact you are a soldier, you should forsake the myth of a greater China because you do not belong to them, you belong to Taiwan. Live for Taiwan and die for Taiwan. If you could not accept my advice, I would consider you unconscionable, disloyal and immoral and disown you.
Believe me, death is a big relief for me. I'll try to get down to the purgatory to apologize to all those whose lives I took away. I believe those kind souls would grant me my wish and forgive me. Therefore, do not feel sad. Try your best to love Taiwan and protect its people, with your life if necessary. You are a Taiwanese because everything you have came from this land. Understand? Please redeem for me.
This letter from a Corporal Liu in the Republic of China army to his son was first published in the Pacific Times as a Letter to the Editor. Although the killings described by Corporal Liu are likely war crimes committed during the '228 Massacre' in 1947 they also could have occurred in the following years during Chiang Kai-shek's 'White Terror' campaign. Thanks to Thomas Liu for translation assistance.
Corporal Liu talks about purgatory in his letter. In April 2009, U.S. Circuit Judge Janice Rogers Brown, in a District of Columbia U.S. Court of Appeals case, Roger Lin, et al vs. United States, described Taiwan's unresolved national status to be "political purgatory". President Barack Obama has been silent on Judge Brown's ruling.
For more info: www.froginawell.net/wenku/files/893.00-4-2147taiwan.pdf
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